When Your World Ends
by luusmeitli
Summary: Some wars are over, and some are yet to begin. After the Hogwarts battle, a story with my own Character as main character and lots of freedom with the HP world. I basically took the characters and started playing with them with no regard for rules or reason. The curious shall continue, the rest be gone!
1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful autumn day, the sun was shining warmly upon a copper and golden world preparing for winter. Despite the warmth, there was a cool wind that made it just a little bit too cold for t-shirts and left me feeling just a little bit too warm in my jumper. I was sitting down by the lake, looking out into the distance, a small smile on my face. I loved days like these. In-between days, as I called them, days when everything was changing. If only I had known how true those words would turn out to be. Everything was changing.

It had been a year now since the battle of Hogwarts and things were very different. I was different. I had learned so much, overcome so much… but most of all… I had found my family, a brother. That had been one of the biggest changes in my life. I, who had grown up alone among the Scail, the shadow people, alone all my life, had a brother. Most days I found it hard to wrap my mind around it.

I had always known that I wasn't one of the Scail, not truly. I was human and they were not. They were demons, shadow children, the Fay. I had always known that I was a siofra, a changeling, taken from my home in the night to be raised by demons and monsters. It wasn't that hard to figure out when you were the only child who bled, the only child who cried. Yes, I always knew that I had to have a home out there, but it wasn't until my seventeenth year that I decided to try and find it.

I have wondered many times, why? Why did I stay for as long as I did? Take the abuse? And the answer I kept coming to was the same every time. Because it was all I knew. From the moment I was born, before my mother even had the chance to hold me, I had been theirs. A child of the Scail, a slave. But I was tough. Most human children didn't make it into adulthood and those who did, well they were domestic slaves, but I? I was born a fighter. I learned their ways, fuelled by my own Magic, the reason they had taken me in the first place. A powerful witch.

And in my seventeenth year, when the war was reaching even the Scail's shadowy corners of the earth, I learned of a boy. They called him the Chosen One, the Saviour, the Dark Lord's doom. The Scail were impartial in the war, saw no reason to join a world they had left long ago, but I…I needed to know more about this Saviour who fought darkness. Perhaps, I thought, he could free me from mine. And so I left.

Who knew that I would find more than a saviour? Who knew that I would find a brother? A brother who shared my black hair and emerald eyes. A twin. And so, after seventeen years of loneliness, I learned my name, my birthday, my heritage. My name? Kyra Potter, child of Lily and James Potter, sister of Harry Potter. For the first time in seventeen years, the tears I shed were tears of joy.

The wind ruffled my hair, making black locks escape the bun in the nape of my neck. I smiled as I tucked them back behind my ear. My fingers were cold, as was my bum upon the rock, but I didn't want to leave yet. I was at peace here, reminiscing and thinking about how I got to be so lucky. I had a brother now, whom I loved dearly, wonderful friends and an incredible boyfriend…. Draco Malfoy.

I had fallen in love with him instantly, much to Harry's dismay. I had seen him, his exterior so light, so frail, but filled to the brim with the same shadows that haunted me. I remembered when I saw him, there in the manor after the snatchers had caught us, looking into his grey eyes and seeing myself reflected there. We connected, instantly and he threw everything away to save us, to save me.

He had betrayed everything he'd stood for all his life, his entire family, because of what he saw in my eyes that day. That's what he told me when I asked him why he did it.

"In those emerald eyes I saw everything that I could have, could become if only I dared. And so I did."

I smiled at the memory.

It had taken a lot for Harry, Ron and Hermione to accept Draco, but he won them over eventually.

"He's a changed man", Harry would tell me with a look of such amazement in his eyes that I would always laugh.

"He's always been this man to me."

And he had been. I never knew the Draco Malfoy that had followed his father blindly, the one who had tormented Harry, Ron and Hermione. The Draco I knew was arrogant, proud, kind, funny, creative and wonderful.

And things weren't easy for him, by no means. There were still so many who wished him harm, who blamed him for his choices in his younger years, who were blind to the person he had become. People who held on to hate, because it was all they had left.

A reddish leaf fell onto the water in front of me, causing ripples to spread. I watched as it slowly sunk beneath the surface, disappearing into the deep waters of the lake.

I leaned back on my arms, my face tilted towards the sun, trying to catch its warmth on my nose and cheeks. A sigh escaped my lips at the gentle caress. One year now, since things had changed. I had fought against the demons of my past, quite literally. Another thing Draco and I had in common. We'd both had to overcome seventeen years of darkness and we did, every day. Sometimes I could still feel it, the pain, the fear, the bitterness, haunting me. The magic I had learned among the Scail was dark and corrupting, and it gnawed at my sanity, threatening to take over, but it wouldn't.

"As long as you have love and trust in your life, you will not succumb do it."

"I don't trust easily… I never learned how."

"But you do have some you trust and love, don't you?"

I thought about Draco and Harry and smiled. Yes, I did have people I loved and trusted, unconditionally. What a precious gift? I remembered the moment I realized that I trusted Harry. It was before the manor before Draco came into our lives, and we had been on the run. It had been shortly after I had tracked him down at Privet Drive and right after Bill and Fleur's wedding. The death eaters had been everywhere, there was chaos and suddenly there he was, his hand outstretched.

"Do you trust me?"

And I had said yes and meant it. For the first time in my life, I had placed my trust, my hope in another person, a person I knew nothing else about besides the fact that he was my brother. And it was enough. We had apparated away from the Burrow and the adventure had begun.

With Draco, it had been different. I had trusted him the second those eyes looked into mine, there in the manor, Bellatrix knife at my throat. I had caught his eyes and known that he wouldn't let me die. And he didn't.

Yes, I did have those people, people who had stood between death and I more times than I could count and I had done the same for them.

And that's why the darkness inside me couldn't win. This one year of love, hope, of having a home had pushed aside seventeen years of pain and hatred, of bitterness and loneliness.

Yes, I was happy.

Now my butt was as cold as ice, as were my hands and I decided to get up after all, to move into the warmth of the castle and perhaps my boyfriend's arms. That thought painted a small smile on my lips. I got up, brushing off the dirt from my blue jeans, rubbing my hands together to get the blood pumping again, and headed up towards the castle. On my way, I noticed a couple standing under one of the large oak trees that had survived the war. Two men, one light, one dark, a perfect contrast under the golden autumn sun. There was a gust of wind, causing golden leaves to rain down around them as they leaned in, as they moved closer and their lips met beneath the branches of the oak tree. My numb mind marvelled at the beauty the scene created, not quite ready to grasp the truth. They separated, their eyes meeting and as I watched grey eyes gaze lovingly into emerald ones my world fell apart.


	2. Chapter 2

I look around the simple, yet elegant room. Light walls, dark furniture, a perfect contrast. There are high windows, letting in light and air and granting a breathtaking view over the grounds and the mountains. The desk and high-backed mahogany chair indicate wealth, but there is no extravagance here. It's stylish and practical. As is the person sitting behind it. A tall woman looking to be in her fifties, with black hair, tied into a tight bun, a pointy face and black intelligent eyes. I can sense power behind them, fierce but completely under control.

„Welcome to Durmstrang, Miss Potter. "

„It is Black now, Headmistress Vladjok."

"Ah yes. Reyna Black, is it? A curious name change."

There is an implied question there, but I ignore it. She does not need to know why I changed my name, or why I changed schools in my last year. Well... my first year as well... technically. None of those things need to concern her. Her dark, cold eyes linger on me just a moment longer and then seem to realize that I will not be explaining myself.

"We do not care what you call yourself here, Miss Black, as long as you live in accordance with our rules. I see here that you were raised by the Fay, the Scail to be exact?"

I nod, once again amused that here in Durmstrang this is met with appreciation instead of distaste. At Hogwarts, I had to keep my past a secret, hide away most of my magic. Here I will be taking special classes with a Scail Professor to improve on my abilities. Hopefully.

"And you survived." A statement, not a question, with perhaps the slightest hint of surprise. Not many human children survive the Scail. "You have requested classes with Professor Likay, our Scail Professor. She will test you and evaluate whether or not you will be allowed to take part in her classes. As for the other classes you have signed up for… well it is a bit curious, seeing as you are a Hogwarts transfer, and I am obliged to ask these days." There is a small sigh at the end of that sentence.

"Are you or were you, in any way, a follower of the Dark Lord?"

I nearly chuckle at the question, because of its absurdity. We both know that Kyra Potter, the Chosen One's sister, helped bring down old Moldy, but she must ask and so I must answer.

"No, Professor."

"I thought as much. Well… I suppose this concludes our interview. As I've stated before: You can be who you wish to be here, we do not care, as long as you do not give us reason to.

Since the year has already started you will have some catching up to do. Classes here are going to be very different from what you are used to. You will be sharing a room with Miss Cassidy. If there are any problems at all I urge you to come to me first. I suppose all that is left to say now is: Welcome to Durmstrang, Miss Black."

Durmstrang is not at all what I expected. From what Draco has told me I had assumed that it would be…well rather dark and gloomy. The opposite is the case. Surrounded by high mountains, covered in snow, Durmstrang castle is breath-taking. Tall, winding towers, seem to compete with the surrounding mountains, with bridges connecting them. In front of the castle is a large, clear, mountain lake connected to a smaller lake, further down, by a brilliant waterfall. The grounds are extensive, with fields, plains and hills.

On the inside the castle is just as magnificent, high arches, decorated with gargoyles, mark entries into beautifully carved hallways. Some seem to go straight into the earth itself, and others are so open and airy with large glass walls, giving the illusion of being outside.

But what surprises me most are the students.

I don't know what I was expecting, exactly, but it isn't this. Everyone here seems to be incredibly and completely unique! Blue, green, red and purple hair everywhere. Piercings, tattoos! And the clothes? I know that Durmstrang has a uniform, the Headmistress told me so, but she also said that it's only for formal occasions. So everyone is dressed in the craziest, weirdest outfits I have ever seen.

The east tower is where the seventh years reside. It's not a very large tower, there aren't that many of us apparently. There are six guys, five girls, including me.

The Headmistress accompanies me up to the common room and then wishes me a good night, leaving me to fend for myself. I open the large door, no password required, and enter into a large circular room. The first thing I notice is the colours! They're everywhere. There are several large, comfortable looking armchairs and couches, all of them a rather faded shade of green. The floor is covered in a thick black carpet. There is a large fireplace. But what truly catches my eye are the walls. They are covered, from top to bottom in paintings and photographs. I'm faced with artfully painted dragons, griffons, a couple of stick figures, a photograph of a bald girl waving, the picture of something that is half pig half unicorn and so on. Every inch of the walls is covered in art, and I just somehow know that it's the students who did it, because it stands in sharp contrast to the rest of the elegant castle.

"Pretty great, ain't it?"

The voice belongs to a young man with jet black hair and a pair of piercingly blue eyes. He is tall, at least as tall as Ron, with a slim and muscular build. He is wearing a purple v-neck shirt, black jeans and a studded belt hanging loosely around his hips. His feet are in a pair of black leather tie up boots which are loosely tied. All in all? A very pleasing looking specimen.

"Yeah, it's amazing. You guys do this?" I ask, throwing my now blood red hair over my shoulder. My name isn't the only thing I've chosen to leave behind. Once I've seen the colourful hair styles in the castle I couldn't help myself. So now I'm sporting blood-red hair with braids close to my skull on my left side, the rest of my curls hanging loosely down my back and right side.

"We, those who've gone before. It's tradition." He shrugs and gives me a bright, slightly crooked smile, revealing perfect white teeth. "I'm Jack, by the way."

He holds out his hand and I take it with a grin of my own.

"Reyna, but call me Rey."

"Rey it is! Well then let me show you around, newbie."

He puts his arm around my shoulders, guiding me through the room.

"This" he points at a blonde girl lounging on one of the couches, taking it up completely, "Is Mandy. Mandy is our little diva, you don't want to get on her bad side, or she'll hex your toes off."

Mandy gives Jack an eye roll, pursing bubblegum pink glossy lips and gets up, holding out a perfectly manicured hand.

"Lovely to meet you. And don't listen to Jack. He's the only one whose toes are ever in any danger."

I give her a smile and take her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Mandy, I'm Rey."

"Wonderful, wonderful, aaaaand next!"Jack calls, pulling me away from Mandy who has fallen back onto the couch, a magazine in her hands.

"This", he points at a girl with a green Mohawk, " is Kat. She looks scary but has the disposition of a squirrel."

The girl looks up nervously, scratches her nose, gives me a short nod and returns her attention to the chess set in front of her. She's playing against the bald girl I've seen on the photo.

"This is Shine. And yes, that is a reference to her head" Jack grins and Shine flips him off with a grin of her own. She holds out her hand to me.

"Nice to meet ya, Newbie. I believe Mandy already told you to ignore ninety percent of what comes out of that one's mouth right?"

I laugh and take her hand.

"She may have mentioned something like that" I grin. "I'm Rey."

Shine and Kat return to their game and Jack leads me over to where three guys are sitting around...A laptop, to my utter amazement.

"These are our muggle geeks. Ted, Fred and Ed. And yes. Those actually are their names, I'm not kidding you."

The three of them look up startled.

Ted, I think, is the tallest of the three. He has dirty blonde hair, a pair of angular glasses that he keeps pushing back up and dark blue eyes. He gives me a small smile.

Fred is short, black and just a little bit chubby, but he gives me a smile so wide that I can't help but smile back. His hair is streaked with blue lighting bolts.

Ed doesn't seem to fit into the 'geek' department, because honestly? He's a stud. He is tall, with purple hair, icy blue eyes and I can tell, even through his yellow shirt, that he is ripped. He holds out a large tan hand and as I take it he gives me a flirty wink.

"So lovely to have a redhead in the mix," he says in a velvety voice, gazing into my eyes.

"Why? Do I complete the rainbow?" I ask unfazed.

He blinks, once, twice and then Jack burst into laughter next to me, a deep pleasant laugh.

"Oh yes, Rey, you're going to be fine here. Time to move on. " And before Fred and Ted have a chance to say anything to me at all I'm back under Jack's arm, being lead to two armchairs, one of them occupying two boys, mid-makeout, the other the most terrifying girl I have ever seen and, if my headcount has been accurate, my roommate.

Her hair is completely white, her skin just as pale and she has deep red eyes, but that's not the disturbing part. Her face has been tattooed to look like a grinning skull. Jack, apparently not at all intimidated by the death glare she is sending our way, guides me over to her chair.

"And this, dearest Rey, is Mackenzie Cassidy, but if you want to keep your limbs attached I suggest you do as we do and call her Mack.

"Mack, Rey, Rey, Mack"

"Hey," I say, just a little uncertain, as I hold out my hand. "I guess I'm your new roommate."

Mack looks at my hand, then up at my face and tilts her head to one side.

"I guess we'll see." She says, before getting up and heading up to the rooms, ignoring my outstretched hand.

"Limb still attached, I guess that went well," I say with a shrug and Jack pats my back.

"Exactly!"

He turns to the two guys, still making out excessively, completely unembarrassed apparently. He hits one of them on the back of the head, making their faces mush together a bit more. I hear teeth knocking against each other and flinch. The guy Jack hit separates from his kissing partner and turns around, hand on his mouth, glaring at Jack.

"What was that for Jackass?"

"Ah, your wit never ceases to amaze me. Jackass, brilliant, truly. I just wanted to introduce you to this lovely specimen next to me. She is our newest classmate and the unfortunate winner of being Mack's new roommate. Drumroll, please? This is Reeeey!"

He holds out his arms in a dramatic gesture and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"You could bow or something" he stage whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

Kissing-boy number one, the one Jack hit over the head, rolls his eyes and untangles himself from his kissing partner, holding out a hand.

"I'm Kaito", he says and I finally get a better look. Japanese origin, it seems, with black hair and pink stripes. His eyes are yellow, which throws me off a bit, but I recover quickly and hold out my own hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"And this is my boyfriend, Sven," he says, pointing at the red head who's lap he's left mere seconds ago. By all accounts, Sven could be a Weasley. Red hair? Check. Freckles? Check. Red with embarrassment? Double check. He gets up, his face flushed from his prior activity and he holds out a hand but says nothing.

"He's dumb", Kaito supplies, "Can't speak, but tongues were made for better things" he winks and before I even realize what's happening they have resumed their activity of trying to eat each other alive.

"Well..." Jack says, glancing back at them and then doing a complete turnaround, his arms outstretched, "Welcome to the Seven Years Den. We hope you'll feel at home."

His words are greeted by a couple of confirming noises from Mandy and Shine, and I feel a small smile stretch over my face. It seems that coming here may have been a great idea.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Malfoy switches Potter**_

 _By the Daily Prophet's Gossip Correspondent, Rita Skeeter_

 _Draco Malfoy, reformed Death Eater and War Hero, seems to have a soft spot for_

 _someone called Potter, and no, it is not the female version._

 _Kyra Potter and Draco Malfoy, a couple made in the midst of war,_

 _are no more. But does this mean that the Malfoy-Potter liaison is over?_

 _By no means! It seems that Mr. Malfoy has exchanged the female version for the male one._

 _Yes indeed, my dear readers, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter,_

 _Saviour of the Wizarding World, the Chosen One, and most of all:_

 _Draco's ex-girlfriend's brother._

 _Can you say shocking?_

 _Not only is our chosen one playing for the other team,_

 _a fact that is breaking young witches hearts everywhere,_

 _but he also seems to have succumbed to the Malfoy charm._

 _And what exactly is it about Draco Malfoy that attracts the Potter gene?_

 _Is it the hair, the eyes, or simply the fact that he is a man?_

 _Neither Mr. Malfoy nor Mr. Potter_ have _been available for comments_

 _and Miss Potter seems to have vanished. Yes, my dear readers! Vanished._

 _"She just disappeared. I came into the dorm and all her things were simply gone_

 _as if she'd never been here at all." Hermione Granger, Kyra's close friend and roommate_ says _._

 _There is no evidence, of course, but one does wonder:_

 _Are the two occurrences connected?_

 _Did Kyra Potter disappear out her own volition, driven by a broken heart,_

 _or was there perhaps foul play at hand?_

* * *

I crinkle up the newspaper and chuck it into the flames, or at least I try to. Before it makes it all the way it changes course and zooms into Mandy's outstretched hand.

"I still wanted to read that, Rey!"

"Sorry," I mumble, not feeling sorry at all. Stupid Rita. Stupid newspaper. Stupid Malfoy and Potter. "I just hate gossipy trash."

"Well I happen to love gossipy trash," Mandy says with a smile as she unfolds the crumpled paper and straightens it out. "This is wonderfully tragic, isn't it? Losing your boyfriend to your own brother, how unusual, wouldn't you say?"

"Mhm," I grunt non-committedly.

"I think it's a dick move", Jack throws in, joining Mandy on the couch and sliding his legs so they're behind my back. I shift back and forth until my head rests comfortably between his knees and his hand starts playing with my hair absentmindedly. "I mean they're siblings. You just don't do that? And the boyfriend? That's just creepy, you know?"

"Do you have a problem with homosexuality?" Kaite asks, looking up from Sven for two seconds.

Jack rolls his eyes. "If I had a problem with homosexuality I think I would have had to kill myself a thousand times by now, seeing as you and Sven are pointedly refusing to 'get a room'."

Kaito grins and returns to his inspection of Sven's mouth and … other body parts. It's true. They have no shame whatsoever and I chuckle. It used to make me a bit uncomfortable, not that they're guys, but the whole snogging in public, but after a while one doesn't even really notice them anymore.

"I think it's kind of romantic, the Saviour and a reformed Death Eater, shows that love can overcome sins and all that" Mandy says and I tilt up my head to look up at her and Jack. Jack is making a gagging face and I laugh as Mandy pouts.

"I doubt the sister thinks it's romantic" Shine throws in from across the room where she is combing Kat's Mohawk. It seems that Shine loves hair, which is a bit ironic considering her lack of it.

"No, probably not… But she may have given them her blessing, you know? I mean sure, the paper says she's disappeared, but what if she had to leave and just wanted both her brother and her boyfriend to be happy and so she brought them together."

"Mandy," I say dryly, turning to look at her. "You read to many romance novels."

She glares at me as Jack laughs. This conversation is becoming tedious.

"No seriously. Look at it realistically. The boyfriend and the brother are hooking up and the former girlfriend/ sister has mysteriously disappeared. Doesn't sound like fair play to me. Now I'm done wondering about the lives of wanna-be heroes and their lovers. If you'll excuse me" and with those words I get up, heading up to my room, ignoring Jack's protest and Mandy's pout.

I really wish that Rita Skeeter would just leave the whole thing be, but I know better than to truly expect that. I should have known, really, when I up and left, that there would be questions. What I hadn't expected though is for Draco and Harry to come out so soon. I've been gone two weeks and already they're unabashedly showing they're a couple. Good for them.

Not for the first time I wonder how I would have reacted to the news article fourteen days ago before I turned it all off. I would have probably thrown myself off of a tower or something. Yes, I would have been sad, angry, heartbroken … in despair, but instead I'm just annoyed. Annoyed that even here, in Durmstrang, I have to deal with that crap.

I open the door to my room to find my lovely roommate, Mack, sitting on her bed, reading a book that looks suspiciously like a torture tutorial. I chose to not look too closely. Mack and I seem to have this mutual agreement to ignore each other. I stay quiet and she doesn't murder me. It works. Mostly.

"What are you looking at," she asks, one of her black eyebrows raised.

"Nothing," I say quickly, heading for my side of the bed.

"You're not giving up" she finally says and I turn to look at her. She doesn't like having a roommate, she's made that clear, but I have been going out of my way to not inconvenience her in any way.

"Giving up what?" I ask, somewhat defensively.

"Listen, Newbie, I don't have roommates. I like my space, my room and having you coming in and interrupting me, well it's irritating. So, here is my offer. Leave, find a new roomie, or I'll make you."

She delivers the entire speech in a matter of fact kind of voice, her book still in her hands. Obviously she doesn't think I'll be disagreeing with her.

"No."

I say as I plop down on my bed and pull out my iPod, magically enhanced by the Muggle Geeks.

"What do you mean no?" her voice is cold and dangerous, and I know that this has been a long time coming. Passive aggressive has turned to not so passive aggressive.

"I mean no. This is my room as much as yours. We share it. Deal with it."

She puts her book down, walks over to me and pulls me up by my shirt.

"Let me rephrase: You are not my roommate, this is not your room and you'll be getting out of here before I remove you piece by piece."

Her red eyes are glaring at me, and I stare back into them, only slightly worried. Another side effect of having taken that potion. Fear is now beyond me. I grab the hand that's holding my shirt and yank it away, hard, my eyes now just as cold and hard as hers.

"Let me rephrase: If you have a problem, take it up with the Headmistress. Otherwise? Fuck off!"

I duck, just in time to avoid the fist that's coming at my face, but get hit in the stomach from the other hand in the process. I double over, but before she can strike again I grab her around her waist and tackle her to the ground. As we're falling her foot somehow finds it's way in-between our falling bodies, connects with my torso and I feel myself flying through the air, connecting with the wall with a loud and painful crack.

I lay there, dazed as she comes and stands over me.

"You're a crappy fighter, but at least you've got balls," she says and then returns to her bed, picks up her book and starts reading, ignoring me laying on the floor.

I try to move, but quickly realize that my left shin, the one that hit the wall at an awkward angle, is broken, as pain shoots through me.

"You broke my leg" I state, somehow not even upset.

Mack looks up from her book, raises an eyebrow, and then resumes her reading. I sigh, pulling myself off the ground and onto my healthy right leg.

"You're a real bitch" I state dryly and I swear I see a small smile quirk up her lips.

"So are you."

"Glad we've established that"

And with those words I hobble out of the room to get my leg fixed in the infirmary. I'm in pain and I've just been humiliated, but somehow I'm grinning because, I think, Mack has finally chosen to accept me as her roommate.

"What happened to you?" Jack calls out as I hobble into the common room, his face worried.

"Mack and I had a little bit of an argument, we're good now. But I do think my leg is broken."

"Mack did that?" Jack asks angrily, as he rushes over and picks me up, ignoring my protest, cradling me in his arms. "That bitch…"

"No need. We're good now. I just need a quick healing spell and I'll be fine."

He looks down at me, worriedly, his face softening.

"Alright, but she's still a bitch"

"That's been established" a dry voice comes from behind us, as Mack passes us. I flip her off and she grins at me before she disappears through the door.

"Huh… I think she likes you" Jack says as he puts me down on the couch and pulls out his wand.

"Oh move over, you big oaf!" Mandy cries, pushing Jack away before he can attempt to heal my leg. A flick of her wrist, a painful snap and my leg is as good as new. Mandy gives me a smug look.

"Healing is my specialty."


	4. Chapter 4

Two months. It's been two months since I've left Hogwarts, I realize with a start as I stare out over the lake and the mountains, covered in pearly snow. The first snow fell yesterday and Hogwarts would be covered in a gray layer of mist now. But Durmstrang isn't. Here, above the clouds, the pale sun shines down onto the white layer, making everything sparkle. It's really quite beautiful.

A small content smile is on my lips as I take in the scenery and think about the last couple of weeks. Jack and I have becomes quite good friends. Despite his outgoing personality, he seems to have been more of a loner before I came along. The MG's (muggle geeks) would hang out together, as would Sven and Kaito, obviously. Shine, Kat, and Mandy formed a strange little group and then there was Mack. Mack was alone and she made it clear that she preferred it that way. But every once in a while, when Jack and I were goofing off by the fireplace she would sit down in an armchair near us, sharpening one of her knives and I could swear I'd see her smile when she thought no one was looking. I have taken a strange liking to the sociopathic girl. She's rude, violent and creepy, but a surprisingly good roommate, now that she doesn't want to carve me up anymore.

And Jack? Well, he's definitely different. His perpetual good mood and smile are infectious to most. Even teachers like him, accepting his antics with slight amusement and exasperation. I have seen him talk his way out of more trouble in two months than I thought anyone could get into. The only problem? He seems to have taken a liking to me, and that's no good. I like him fair enough, he's good company, but other than that? Well, it's not my cup of tea.

I get torn from my thoughts as a snowball connects with my left shoulder causing me to stumble forward. I spin around to see who my attacker is and, no surprise there, find that it's Jack. He's wrapped in an elegant black cloak with a blue scarf that brings out his eyes. His head is uncovered since it would mess up his perfectly styled hair, and his grin is truly wicked.

"What was that for?" I ask with a grin of my own.

"You looked gloomy, thought I'd distract you."

That's something I like about Jack. He's very honest. No hidden motives, not worrying about what he's thinking. He'll tell you.

I bend down and scoop up some snow of my own, carefully forming it into a hard, white ball then I look up at him. He raises an eyebrow as he looks at the snow in my hand.

"And what exactly are you planning on doing with that?"

"Well… I was going to build a tiny little snowman" and before the sentence is over the snowball is sailing through the air only to be sidestepped by the intended target. "But then I decided to chuck it at you."

"That, my dear, was a fail." He grins at me.

But it wasn't. Jack is so busy mocking me that he doesn't register my quick-wand movement until it's too late and he's covered, from head to toe, in a wave of snow. I burst out laughing as I watch his spluttering red face appears from under the white masses.

"You messed up my hair," he says in mock outrage. Or perhaps not mock. He takes his hair rather seriously. I try to calm down, but the look of indignation on his face is too much and I burst out laughing once again, clutching my stomach.

"Oh, you think that's funny, don't you?"

And with a battle cry he charges me, shoving me down into the snow, trying to get snow down my coat. I squirm and shriek as the icy liquid seeps through my clothes and sends shivers over my body. At the end of what seems like a rather long wrestling match, we are both soaking wet, freezing and laughing.

I'm laying half on top of him, my red hair undone, falling around my face in a wild mess. His hair is just as messy as mine, wet locks sticking to his forehead, his eyes bright with laughter. We grin at each other and then, a split second before it's too late, I see a look in his eyes. Before I can pull back before I can prevent it, he pulls me down and kisses me.

His lips are icy, just as mine, but his mouth is warm and nice and I enjoy the pleasant feeling of warmth that seems to travel through my body. He tastes like snow, somehow, snow and something I can't place. The kiss is nice and I almost succumb to the selfish desire to simply enjoy the sensation and disregarding the consequences, but I can't. I've only been here two months and I don't want to alienate my first friend here. So I pull back rolling away from him.

"Jack…" I say, sounding tried to my own ears.

"I'm sorry Rey… I just, well I wanted to do that. I shouldn't have…." He mumbles, his face red and something akin to fear in his eyes.

"I'm not upset," I tell him as my green eyes meet his blue ones earnestly.

"You're not?" and there it is. That flicker of hope that I'm about to crush.

"No, I'm not. I don't mind you kissing me, it's nice, but… Well, if you have feelings for me I want to let you know that you should let those go."

He frowns and sits up, his hands rubbing together to get some warmth back into them.

"So… you liked the kiss, but you don't like me? Is that it?"

I nod. "In a sense, yes."

"Well…. I don't quite believe that."

I look up at him in surprise, which only increases as I'm met by one of his large grins.

"I think you do like me, and that that's why you liked my kiss."

He leans over, attempting to kiss me again, but I gently place a hand on his chest, stopping him.

"Jack. Don't. It will not end well for you."

The words are spoken matter of factly because that's what they are: Fact. It would not do for Jack to fall in love with me. It would be incredibly inconvenient, for both of us.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not in love with you."

Those words should stop him, but instead I can see his eyes blazing with the challenge. I suppress the urge to sigh.

"Give me a shot, I'll make you fall for me, you'll see." He takes my icy hands into his, holding them tightly. "I really, really like you, Rey. You're funny and you don't take yourself or anything else too seriously. You don't get angry about petty things, you're beautiful, and you're intelligent… I've never met anyone like you. And I want to get to know you in every way. Let me try."

I sigh, pulling my hands out of his casting a quick warming charm on both of us. We sit there in silence. Him waiting for a reply and me struggling to find the words to explain that he doesn't stand a chance. Finally, I decide to just tell him the truth.

"Jack… you can't. Make me fall in love with you, I mean."

"Why not? I mean you like me, right? I'm perfectly lovable!"

I smile a little at his protest. "I'm sure you are, but you aren't the issue. I can't fall in love with you. I can't fall in love with anyone. You mentioned how I stay calm, how I don't get upset or worried about things? Well… it's because I can't. Not really"

I'm looking straight at him now, needing to make him understand exactly what I mean.

"I'm incapable of those feelings."

I can see his mind working, trying to put together the information I've just supplied him with, and I can tell it's not working properly.

"If you're saying that you're incapable of feelings, then I know you're lying. I've seen you annoyed, frustrated and happy….

"Yes," I interrupt him. "I can feel all those things, to a degree. I am perfectly capable of amusement, of slight frustration or irritation. I can be a bit put out, I can even be glad, but I don't feel deep things such as anger, sadness, fear or love. My emotions don't go beyond the surface."

And now the words seem to have sunk in. I can see them, sinking through his thick stubborn skull and arriving, dawning on him with horror. His blue eyes widen, his breath catches and the look he ends up giving me is filled with pity.

I feel a sting of irritation. "Don't give me that look!" I say somewhat crossly.

"But Rey… why? I mean… have you always…"

I sigh, wishing we were inside because this really is a conversation for a warmer place and dry clothes, but a sit is I cast another warming charm.

"No. I wasn't born this way. I've only been this way for… well, two months."

"How?"

"A potion. You know that I was raised by the Scail? Well, they're not a very emotional bunch themselves. They've developed a potion that allows them to be in constant control of their feelings, unable to be overwhelmed by them because they're simply not that strong. I never took it during my time with them, thought I'd be leaving behind my humanity or some shit, but… Two months ago I changed my mind. And that's why it is futile for you to pursue me. I'm never going to care for you more than I do right now."

I shrug, hoping that this will be the end of the discussion, but I should have known better. Suddenly there are warm arms around me, hugging me tightly to Jack's chest. I feel a small smile appear on my face as I pat his arm awkwardly, trying to let him know that it was all good. I am surprisingly fond of the guy.

"What made you change your mind?"

This definitely is a topic for a warmer place and I tell him so. He agrees with a chuckle and we head back to the castle. Right, before we enter he grabs my arm, pulling me around to face him.

"You're wrong."

"About what?" I ask.

"I will make you fall in love with me" and then he bends down, kisses me quickly and softly and skips into the castle, whistling something that sounds remarkably like 'Jingle Bells'. I shake my head as I follow him, an amused smile on my lips.


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Kyra,_

 _I don't know if this letter will find you, but I have to try. I'm trying hard to find the words for this, but I'm not sure if the proper word exist… It's about Harry. I know, I know, you're angry at him and you have every right to be. Hell, I'm angry at him too for what he did to you! You deserved better… But to be honest, it doesn't matter now. Harry needs you, Kyra._

 _You wouldn't know this because it was kept out of the papers, but Hogwarts was attacked last night… We don't know who did it, or how… but whatever it was, it was terrifying… the darkness itself seemed to have awakened to kill us. And there was nothing we could do! No spells worked, and everything it came into contact with seemed to wither and die… Even the castle walls started to crumble… We were helpless and terrified and then Harry did what he always does._

 _I am so angry with him!_

 _But I'm also terrified and worried! The darkness receded, but when we found Harry he was all pale as if every bit of colour had been stolen from him, and he was colder than ice. We thought he was dead for sure, but he is not! His heart is beating! And Madame Pomfrey says that if we can get his blood, your blood, then perhaps there's a chance._

 _I know he hurt you._

 _I know he deserves to hurt._

 _But he doesn't deserve to die._

 _I know you still love him, and I desperately pray that this letter finds you, somehow._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

I stare down at the letter in my hands as I absentmindedly pet the large brown owl that delivered it. It's a school owl, I assume because I don't recognize it.

"You're a sneaky one," I tell it, my eyes still fixed on the letter. "No one was supposed to find me here."

The owl gives a small hoot and I do believe she's telling me that she's flattered. I smile the faintest of smiles, my attention still on the letter.

Harry is dying.

Three months ago this information would have caused my heart to clench in panic, would have sent me flying to Hogwarts immediately without even thinking about it. But then again, three months ago I was at Hogwarts. And three months ago I cared about my brother.

But I do have to admit that it would be a tad cruel and perhaps petty to let him die over something so silly as stealing my boyfriend. Still… It would be tiresome to return to Hogwarts. Not only because of the journey itself but also because I don't particularly want to see those people again. I've left them behind for a reason. Started over for a reason.

And then there is the other part of the letter, the one that's rather worrisome. Hogwarts had been attacked by moving darkness…. It sounded familiar, too familiar, but it couldn't be. They thought I was dead...

I sigh.

"What's up Rey?"

Jack's voice makes me jump and I am, once again, astounded at just how silently he can move. He is already leaning over my shoulder, reading the letter and I let him, because why not? I can almost feel the frown forming on his face and smile in amusement. I wonder how long it will take him to figure it all out.

"Rey…"

"Yes?"

"Why did you receive this letter?"

Ah yes. That does seem to be the most obvious question, doesn't it?

"Because this owl here is a lot smarter than she should be," I say as I scratch said owl under her beak, causing her to give a rather self-satisfied hoot.

"Alright. But your name isn't Kyra."

"Hmm… it isn't, is it?"

Jack sighs and I can feel him rolling his eyes at me.

"Fine. Is this letter meant for you?"

"Yes, I do believe it is."

"Then why is it addressed to Kyra?"

"That would be because the author of the letter isn't aware of the fact that I no longer use that name, I suppose."

"Damn it, Rey! Would you bloody explain!"

I raise an eyebrow in surprise as I turn around to face Jack. He doesn't usually lose his temper this quickly. Or he used to.

"And how exactly," I ask evenly "is this any of your business? I do believe you're infringing upon my privacy by reading my letters over my shoulder. Which means that I don't owe you an explanation of any kind."

He blushes, his usually smiling face clearly annoyed. He's been frustrated with me recently. Ever since he vowed to make me fall in love with him.

"However" I continue before he has a chance to sputter out something silly, "I suppose there is no harm in telling you. I would rather do so in private, though."

He looks startled as if he only just now realised that we are in the common room, surrounded by a bunch of people who are trying intently to pretend that they aren't listening. All but Mandy that is. She is leaning over the back of the couch, her head on her hands, listening with rapt attention. At my words, she pouts and turns around murmuring something that sounds a lot like 'not fair' and 'the others are so boring'.

Jack looks back at me, a sheepish grin on his face as he scratches the back of his head.

"Oops…. I forget sometimes."

"I've noticed," I say dryly as I head out the door, not even checking to see if he is following. He always is.

We walk through the halls in silence as I try to come up with the best way to explain things to him. Keep it simple.

It's dark as we exit the castle and the first couple of stars are showing up in the sky, reflected in the mountain lake. I never tire of admiring the beautiful scenery surrounding Durmstrang Castle. I stop and sit down on the steps in front of the entrance, my elbows resting on my knees, my hands hanging loosely between my knees. He sits down beside me, mirroring my posture and I have to smile. I like having him around, I must admit that….He makes life… interesting. I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like him and I find it fascinating.

"So" he starts, staring at his hands that are fiddling nervously with a string. He always seems to be moving his hands, never letting those long and slender hands rest. I wonder why…

"So," I state simply as I lean back, tilting my head up towards the stars. I like the stars, used to love them. As a child, I used to think that they were little holes in a giant canvas and that through them I could glimpse all those things I lacked. Happiness, love, hope. If I ever had a god, I suppose it would have been the stars.

"My real name is Kyra Potter, I assume you've figured that part out"

He nods. "Yeah… but why? Why are you here and why did you change your name?"

I give a dry little laugh.

"Come on Jack… it's been all over those gossip rags Mandy loves to read and talk about."

"So it's true. Your boyfriend left you for your brother?"

"Yeah, it's true."

"And because of that you ran away and changed your identity? That's a bit excessive, wouldn't you say?"

I laugh.

"Oh yeah, definitely. It does sound rather silly, doesn't it?"

He looks confused and I can't blame him. I was confused myself not so long ago.

"So why? I mean you obviously don't care now… Wait! Is that why you took that potion?"

He stares at me in shock and disbelief and I have to laugh again. His face is priceless. I forget how important he thinks emotions are.

"Yeah, I believe that was my motivation. I believe that at the time I saw myself presented with two options. The other one would have been even more dramatic."

I chuckle and close my eyes, enjoying the cool night air on my face. I can tell that Jack doesn't find this funny, doesn't see it as I do. Of course it was silly, but I didn't know better then, did I? Clouded by pain as I was. No this is much better. I see clearly now, unhindered, and if I needed to learn the hard way then so be it.

"Was it that bad? I mean… there has to be more to it than just… having your heart broken…"

"Isn't that enough?" I ask in amusement. "Love makes people stupid and broken love even more so. We see it over and over again in the world. But I want to make one thing clear. I do not regret shutting my emotions off. I am perfectly content the way I am now. As you said, my reaction was silly and dramatic. I am in no danger of doing something like that ever again."

"I just… I don't understand…"

I sigh. So we're going there, are we.

"Alright. Let me explain what I was feeling and thinking at the time." I turn towards him and suddenly I have an idea. "Actually… Let me show you."

"Show me?"

"Do you trust me?"

He nods, his eyes dark and earnest in the night and I have to smile. Almost like a puppy. It's rather endearing.

"Give me your hands, good and now close your eyes. This is going to be rather intense, just so you know."

And off we go.

I pull him with me into the memories, the feelings I experienced back then. Because in the memory they are still real, undiluted by the potion.

And so he feels it all.

The pain and loneliness I grew up with.

The torture.

The joy when I discovered that I have a brother.

The happiness when I realised that said brother loves me.

The trust building and the astonishment that I was capable of trusting, of loving, despite never having learned how.

Meeting Draco and the overwhelming feelings that came with it.

Being afraid of not knowing how to love.

Draco telling me that he would teach me.

Slowly, surely overcoming that fear, Draco by my side each step of the way.

Learning to trust both Harry and Draco implicitly.

Giving up myself to both of them.

Vowing my life to the two most important people in my life.

Healing.

Slowly

Slowly

And then….

Being shattered in a blink of an eye.

And I can't breathe.

Can't think.

Can't understand.

How?

How?

They are my world!

They are my strength,

My rock,

My safe haven.

The taught me everything I know about love, hope, happiness… and it's all a lie.

And I still can't breathe.

I want it to stop.

Need it to stop.

Anything

Anything for it to go away.

But it won't.

And it never will.

How could it?

I am broken

Shattered completely

Torn into pieces so small there is no putting them back together.

I am nothing but pain and emptiness

Jack's hands tear out of mine as he pulls back violently, his eyes wide, tears running down his cheeks. He felt it all… Everything I felt.

"That… how can one person feel all that… feel so much… I…"

His eyes find mine and I wait patiently for him to recover, to find the words to say, ignoring the pity. He'll soon realize that pity is the wrong emotion. All that pain's gone now, no more than a memory that can't affect me anymore. Not the way it affected him.

"I believe I may have been an empath… although the fought hasn't occurred to me until after I shut it all off. That would explain why it was all so intense, why my body and mind couldn't take it. You see… My sanity was rather fragile at the time and that betrayal of the only two people I trusted… Well, it sent me over the edge, almost. I realized it in time." I look over at him, my eyes serious. "I didn't just chose to shut my emotions off because I was a silly school girl who'd been disappointed. I shut it all off to save my life."

My eyes widen open in surprise as Jack presses his lips against mine, cold and soft. It feels nice and I reluctantly pull away. It wouldn't do for me to lead him on. I do rather enjoy his company.

"Jack. I like kissing you, I believe I've said so before, but it doesn't mean anything to me. And to you it does and logically that means that there will be complications. Complications I'd rather avoid."

" To hell with complications," Jack whispers, his cold hands cupping my face, his dark eyes staring into mine. "I like you Rey, Kyra, whoever you want to be. You may think that you like things the way they are, that you don't want to feel more, don't need to, but damn it! I know better. And I'll make you come around. But until then all I ask of you is to let me care for you. Let me hold your hand, let me kiss you, let me love you."

And maybe it's the stars above, reflected in his eyes, or the fact that his words are so utterly flattering, but I find myself wondering: Why not? Why not enjoy some warmth, some attention, some kisses? He knows the risks. He knows that I cannot give him what he's giving me. I've told him. I've done my duty. So why not enjoy?

"Alright," I say with a sly smile, "But don't blame me when you fail to make me love you."

He chuckles and raises my hand to his lips.

"I won't, because I will make you fall in love. You'll see."

And so we sit there, under the stars, his hand in mine and I feel very content with my situation. Finally, after what feels like only a few moments and yet a moment of eternity, my mind returns to the letter that caused this conversation.

Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world, my brother, is dying and I can save him. I do suppose I should.

"I'm going to Hogwarts tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Hermione, the girl who sent me the letter, asked me to. She is a friend I suppose, and I dislike her being in pain. Besides… if word gets out that I let Harry Potter die things will get… uncomfortable at best."

"He doesn't deserve your help," Jack mutters darkly, his hand tightening around mine.

"No, he doesn't. But he doesn't deserve to die either. And I guess he deserves the second a bit less than the first, so I'll go. Give some blood and then leave."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I blink and turn towards him.

"Why?"

"Ah. Right. Well, I was going to say for moral support, but I suppose you don't care much do you?" He chuckles and raises my hand to his lips. "But I'm still offering."

And I smile, because it would be less bothersome if I had one person there who was on my side, one person who wouldn't want to explain or apologize or do whatever they are going to do.

"You know what? Moral support sounds fantastic. But you'll have to get up early."

He groans and raises his hands to the sky.

"Have you no mercy?" then he grins at me and stoops his head to catch my lips with his. " I love doing that. Count me in. I'll get up as early as you need."


End file.
